Part Nine: Killing with kindness
Winston sat as far away as he could, on the opposite side of the table, as he could get without actually sitting at another table. Which, in all ways, he would have prepared to..this. ZsaZsa (lazily pronounced ZahZah, not like the way it should, ala Ms. Gabor) munched gerbil like on her salad, but swilled her lemon water with gusto. Winston shivered with every bite she took.
He had scoured the internet that week, pouring over files, reports, statements, blogs, comments on blogs, and links upon links. Four people met his extreme criteria. Two he already dismissed, as one was already dead (the same day he found him, indeed) and the other was overseas at the moment, visiting a relative who she hoped, from his reading, was going to die soon and leave her a great chunk of a hefty estate. She could wait, if ZsaZsa and Daniel did not pan out as he hoped.
And his hope in ZsaZsa was dashed with every sentence she uttered. She was attitude on the hoof, mean spirited, petty, garish, and moronic. Everything in her life was wrong, and it was wrong because of someone else. She didn’t read, watched only reality TV, listened to bands Winston has never heard of (all DeathRock bands, she squeed), and the most interesting thing she even mentioned was that she had run over a squirrel one time, stopped to see if it was ok, saw it was in pain and sobbing, and then got back in the car, reversed it and backed over the squirrel, finishing the job. At this, she smiled quite brightly.
Winston was not going to pat her on the head and give her a treat. Well, not the one she was hoping for. She got up from the table with a grunt, said “I have to go take a whiz”, and waltzed off, smiling at every cute guy..every guy on the way.
Careful not to touch anything, Winston, ignored by everyone in the restaurant, as usual, reached across and added a little something into ZsaZsa’s water glass. It settled and dissolved quickly, which was a good thing as ZsaZsa was not long in returning.
Sitting down, Winston spoke up. “ZsaZsa, it has been a pleasure meeting you,” he said, adjusting his street disarming smile in a way that made her at ease. “I do hate to cut this short, but while you were indisposed, I had a call. One I must attend to immediately. Please, finish your lunch, and your water. I’ll pay the bill, and we shall talk another time.”
“Ok, shure,” she said, taking a big swallow from the glass, getting the lemon wheel stuck in her teeth as she said it. ZsaZsa reached her hand out to shake Winston’s, but he was already zagging away around this and that table, getting to the waiter to pay, and OUT. “Putz,” she thought, as she slugged down the water and grazed through the rest of her salad.
An hour later, ZsaZsa was removed from her bent around a tree car. They had to struggle to remove the steering wheel from her grasp. “That’s some death grip she had. Doesn’t look like she’d be that strong” said one of the rescue workers. They got her body into the ambulance finally, after a lot of hard work.
Two squirrels sat back on their haunches, tails in the air, and munched on some nuts as they surveyed the happenings. Cousin George would have been pleased, they both thought.