Holo Answers

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“Did that help in anyway?”

“Um, no. Not really. ‘Get A Life’ doesn’t really answer my question,” Bob was snide and crestfallen at the same time.

“Look, Bob…you asked me to solve your non-dating, abysmally alone and sad, sad situation. You kvetched about it for almost four minutes.”

“Kvetched?”

“Old wise prophet saying. Look. Let me see if I have this right. OK?”

” k.”

“Good. Don’t interrupt me: The All Knowing Head, moi, Will Answer All, Always.”

“You already said that when we started all this,” Bob retorted.

“Shhh…I said ‘Don’t Interrupt Me! Ahem…The All Knowing Head Will Answer All!”

Bob clamped up.

“Good. Just nod if I have the information correct.”

Bob nodded “yes,” with a silent “go on already.”

“Patience, Bob. Patience. Did not a wise man once say How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?’

Look, you spend most of your free time at a computer or on your smart phone. You Google, Facebook, Twit, blog, re-blog,  comment on comments (and then sometimes re-comment), and you find yourself pining away for these abstract women from anywhere but face to face. You romanticize what it would be like to jet off to be with them, or visa-versa, and in no way, shape or form would you do anything about it. You live in your man cave and dream, hope, fantasize, get maudlin,  pine…yes…I know I said pine already. Get over it.

You, Bob, need to GET A LIFE. Capital letters and italicized. Get off the computer, go out and meet some real people, for Heaven’s and my sake. You whiners, always the same thing. ‘Wah…nobody loves me!’ Bob…love thyself first (and I don’t mean at night, alone in bed, under the covers). Get out of the house. Go to a meeting, museum, festival. Chat up some people.  Do not just go to a movie and call that ‘going out.’ Live. Splurge. Take some chances. You won’t know until you just walk up, strike up a conversation, and see what happens. The worst: she can mace you. The best: she’ll think you’re interesting. Maybe. I hope so.

Get a life, Bob. Get a live. Live. Now, go.”

Bob stared at the hologram projected Head In The Field. He sighed, nodded, put his hands in his torn jeans pockets, and walked away.

“Hey…you’re welcome!” The Head In The Field shouted out to Bob’s back. “Putz.”

Head yelled out “Next!”

Debbie forced herself up. Taking tiny supplicant steps, she found herself in front of The Head.

“I, The All Knowing Head, moi, Will Answer All, Always. What do you wish to know?”

“Well, um, I was like wondering if you could, um, help me with why I’m so alone? I look online all the time for the right guy, and, um…”

“Oy,” said The Head In The Field.

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16 responses »

  1. This was way too much fun for me – Had my attention from the first line and had me wanting for me – like really really bad…. Could you please write a book asap and send me a link to where I can buy it from… (BTW I am still smiling)…

  2. lol its true it seems that “real life” is sometimes a forgotten mystery in todays modern age. Gotta be a balance i reckon as i enjoy my cyber life. But enjoy “real life” more so.

  3. I got a chuckle out of this, and at the same time saw the truth in it. True commentary on our electronic,computerized society. You got a good inspiration from the big head in the field.
    Mazeltov! Jill B

  4. You definitely surprised me. I thought the Big Head was just a buddy with a Big Head – but the Big Head was right. If only Bob would use own head!
    I loved the “Oy” ending and all the Jewish expressions.
    As for the subject and your treatment of it: So fun, and true.
    Take care,
    Jennifer

  5. very good story, and interesting point. “get a live” mistake or no it works i think i would make a good t shirt ” GET LIVE” that would get a conversation going. i like that thank you and god bless

  6. Got a chuckle out of this one : ) The ‘dialogue’ is fun, playful, and engaging. I read that line twice where you say, “Get a live.” To just be sure it was deliberate and not a major faux pax. You know I won’t stand for mistakes – lol!

  7. Brilliant – maybe the all seeing, all knowing head – could of told Bob to go buy two coffees and come back in 3 minutes :D Great significance for the amount of people spending all their time on line and then complaining they are lonely. Although there was a time in my life when if I didn’t have my internet companions I would of truly been on my own – so it def has it’s good points. Guess it depends what you are looking for :D

    • Thanks SJ: yeah, I was thinking of a few things: Head calling Bob back, sending her after him, etc. I just liked the “Oy!” at the end. I used to talk to someone a lot, years ago, and all I heard was how alone she was, but she spent ALL of her time online, chat rooms, internet dating, etc, but would not go out to try to meet someone. It was very frustrating hearing the complaints all the time. Glad you liked it.

  8. Thanks Li. I just wanted to do something light after the intense story for the #Saturdayshorts contest the other day. The Head is alive! btw…before anyone says anything: I DID write the second “get a live” on purpose. I have my reasons.

    The photo that inspired this was taken by yours truly in NYC at the Big Apple BBQ Festival on 6/11/2011. It was wild, seeing it live.

  9. That’s a nice little wrap-up; they walked right past each other! Good point about the “instant” society and how social networking can breed further isolation. I have a few questions for the All Knowing Head myself.

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