Jun13

Sonnet: What Is Left?

Posted on June 13, 2011 by Stu

So gathered, atop a rocky embrace
Looking aloft into cloudy blue skies,
A longing for me, there is not a trace
Each breath without us, a part of me dies.
My darkest thoughts consigned to living hell;
Tearing apart a foundation of dreams
Burning desires that no longer dwell.
My soul desires destruction and screams.
But, what of daring that you gave to me? A steel like armament of tempered pain,
Forgoing my love and setting me free! My life’s blood remains; I will not so drain. I hate you, love you; I return to live. I love you, hate you; nothing else to give.
*****************************************************************************

I have never tried to write a sonnet before. Read them, yes. Spoken Shakespearean iambic pentameter…many times. This was a first for me, and could be my last. Whew. Harder then it looks, and in all honesty, I don’t think it is a great sonnet by any means. Yet, like all things tried, I’m very glad I attempted it.

You’ll have to tell me if I succeeded, partly, or not at all.

I did follow the pattern as laid out:

It must consist of 14 lines.

It must be written in iambic pentameter (duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH).
It must follow a standard rhyme scheme (I followed one of Willey’s, Sonnet #18)

Thanks to Jenni De La Torre of For Jen’s Sake for getting the idea of writing a Sonnet in my head. You can blame her! 😉

24 responses »

melissa on June 13, 2011 at 1:00 am said:

I truly commend you for your effort Stuart and was inspired to read your sonnet because it consists of only 14 lines, so I can read it easily. However, critiquing it took more time than just appreciating its content (eow). You have for the most part followed the mechanics of writing sonnets. I realized that it isn’t easy to write one. So for experimenting, cheers 😉

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- bornstoryteller on June 13, 2011 at 1:02 am said:
  
  Well, if that’s not a left handed compliment…;) This was a struggle. I’d rather write a Haiku anyday. Thanks Melissa.
  
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InJensMind on June 13, 2011 at 1:51 am said:

You see what did I tell you. I dreaded it for months and after the pep talk you gave me I sat down and did it and finally after over 3 hours found it good enough to submit for homework. Maybe it wasn’t good enough but, I had a massive headache and have been drained ever since. My teacher gave me Sonnet #18 as an example too. You did well, 10 syllables in each line. Plus you got the a-b-a-b c-d-c-d e-f-e-f g-g I know nothing about sonnets since mine was my first as well but, it yours looks good in my opinion. Thanks for not making it go alone. lol

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- bornstoryteller on June 13, 2011 at 9:12 am said:
  
  Jenni: I figured that since you were sweating it, and I’d never done one, I’d try it. Glad you got yours done.
  
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Dangerous Linda on June 13, 2011 at 9:21 am said:

Hi, Stuart! —

I applaud you for stretching yourself this way — one of the things I love about you!

I am not a poet so I wouldn’t dream of critiquing. But, I can tell you this: I love this line “Each breath without us, a part of me dies” in particular and I love the photo you chose to illustrate.

Well done!
L2

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- bornstoryteller on June 13, 2011 at 9:31 am said:
  
  Thank you Danger. I normally do not do poetry, so this is good for me to at least try. I can’t even imagine Shakespeare, or anyone, spending the time to do this so often. I’m usually pretty quick, from start to finish. This took me close to an hour and a half. I’ve had that photo for awhile, hoping to use it someplace.
  
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charlie nitric on June 13, 2011 at 12:09 pm said:

Hey Stuart –
I am so not the person to be evaluating yours or anyone’s sonnet writing abilities. I don’t believe I have ever written one. From my outsider’s eye, it reads good and sounds good too. I like it. 🙂

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- bornstoryteller on June 13, 2011 at 12:12 pm said:
  
  Yes, but does it taste good and is it less filling? That’s the question!! 😉 Thanks Mr. Nitric.
  
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Jim Brandano on June 13, 2011 at 12:47 pm said:

Hey I liked it but what do I know lol… I love it when someone takes a risk with their art and you did.. congratulations!!!

http://jpweddingphotograpy.blogspot.com/2011/06/from-revere-beach-to-florida-keys.html

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- bornstoryteller on June 13, 2011 at 3:48 pm said:
  
  Hi Jim: thank you. Yeah, stepping outside of the comfort zone feels good. This one kicked my hiney a bit.
  
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kriti on June 13, 2011 at 2:05 pm said:

Stuart I think you did great – this is of course only from a someone who took English as honors subject in college. I iambic Pentameter was always my favorite – I think you did a splendid job…

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- bornstoryteller on June 13, 2011 at 3:49 pm said:
  
  Thank you so much, Kriti. I might try it again at a later time, but it DID make my head hurt! 🙂
  
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Wings over waters on June 13, 2011 at 4:11 pm said:

Hi Stuart ~ I commend you on having a go at a sonnet, they are not easy at all! Usually they give me a headache! lol A great first attempt I’d say! You must try another…apparently they get easier … (I don’t believe them haha) 🙂

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bornstoryteller on June 13, 2011 at 4:13 pm said:

Thank you Louise. I was hoping to hear from you. I’m not sure if my heart is into writing another Sonnet, but what an exercise to write in iambic for a play. phew. One day.

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Nelieta on June 13, 2011 at 5:51 pm said:

Hi Stuart, honestly I think it is great! I would not even try to attempt something like this. You have done a great job!

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- bornstoryteller on June 13, 2011 at 5:54 pm said:
  
  Thank you Nelieta. I’d love to have a poetry person show me how to have made it stronger. I THINK I got the gist. Thanks.
  
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Jessica Mokrzycki on June 13, 2011 at 11:50 pm said:

I think it’s great to try new writing styles, and I really liked this sonnet! I think you should write more! It was touching, with profound emotion. I also like how in your post you described the structure of a sonnet…I think I might give it a try too! 😉 You inspire me, and I believe others too, to try new things. ~blessings

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- bornstoryteller on June 13, 2011 at 11:53 pm said:
  
  Thank you Jessica. Not sure about writing more of them, at least not now. It twas hard on my itty bitty brain. 🙂 You should try it.. I found it fun, overall. I like new things.
  
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rimly on June 14, 2011 at 2:23 am said:

You really did a great job of writing a sonnet. It is not easy. Read a sonnet after ages. Last was Shakespeare’s. Beautiful

http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.com/2011/06/timelessnessa-collaboration.html

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- bornstoryteller on June 14, 2011 at 8:07 am said:
  
  Thank you Rimly. I am glad people liked it.
  
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Alejandro on June 14, 2011 at 5:55 am said:

What’s a sonnet?
I’ll check under my bonnet
Know idea if it is right or wrong but I understood it. Is that a good thing as I usually don’t understand Shakespeare.
Take the risks

A

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- bornstoryteller on June 14, 2011 at 8:10 am said:
  
  A…yeah, again, mechanically, I followed what I was supposed to. When you go by “the rules” the first part sets it up, the second rhyming scheme is supposed to be more allegorical, and the third almost an opposite look, with the final two lines almost a summary. That is where I think I missed the boat, but glad you understood where I was going. Thank you.
  
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Samantha Bangayan on June 16, 2011 at 1:54 am said:

Wow! The image really helped me visualize it, Stu! Some really powerful words here. Well worth the effort, I’d say! =) Thanks so much for sharing this with me and for inspiring me to take on writing challenges as well! =) It’s part of the growth, I imagine! =)

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- bornstoryteller on June 16, 2011 at 8:28 am said:
  
  Thank you Samantha. Always try new things is what I think. Never know what could happen. Yes leads to things; No doesn’t.
  
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