Wednesday’s Child
Shadows crept across the wall. They blinked in an out of existence as the cops moved around, the harsh light emanating from the flashing beacons on their cars. Disgust, anger, and weariness mingled in the air; another kid, in a string of kids, one for each day of the week, now. Detective Issen squatted down next to the remains of the body. Her flashlight scoured the area, noting details as she went along. She was in professional mode. Although sickened by what lay before her, she had a job to do.
The mental notes ticked off in her head as her partner wrote his down: girl, obvious from the lack of clothing; young, maybe ten, maybe eleven; filthy blonde hair, matted; deep slashes across her legs and arms, going in opposite symmetrical directions; chest decorated with five deep looking punctures, too round to be a knife, pretty much equidistant from each other; right pinky missing; face, enough damage to swell the nose, mouth and eyes, making it hard to determine what the girl looked like, before.
She closed her eyes, standing, focusing on the patterns from all the bodies.
She heard the shot that sent her reeling.
everything faded…
***********************************************************************
Writers’ Platform-Building Campaign
Rachael Harrie of Rach Writes has been running the Writers’ Platform-Building Campaign for a bit now; this is my first attempt at one of her prompts. I’m not sure, yet, if I’m too late to join in on this, but…I took a shot at the one posted for today.
There will be a number of other writers joining in; links to their entries can be found on Rachel’s blog page. Please visit the other writers blogs and leave them a comment.
The Rules:
Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. These five words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:
- end the story with the words: “everything faded.” (also included in the word count)
- include the word “orange” in the story
- write in the same genre you normally write
- make your story 200 words exactly!
Complete rule and regulations can be found on Rach Writes
In case anyone was wondering, I used three of the “added” challenges: the ending prompt, normal genre for me (thriller), and it’s exactly 200 words (not counting the title). There was a photo prompt we could have used: I decided not to use it this time around.
Whoa that was scary! I feel bad for that poor little girl 😦
Great job! Loved it! Very suspenseful, too!
I’m entry #19
LikeLike
Thank you, Jessica. I’ll be around to check out all the others over the next two days. Glad you stopped by.
LikeLike
Pretty dark, but I like the ending!
I’m glad to be campaigning again 🙂
Mine is #60, we are neighbours!
LikeLike
Thanks…I do dark, and light, medium, rare…and hopefully always well done. 😉 Thanks Nicole
LikeLike
Great job Stu! It’s a very tight piece of flash, lots of things hinted at, gritty and (unfortunately) realistic. And you managed to hit exactly 200 words, not an easy feat.
LikeLike
Thanks Li. Yeah, there’s a longer work here…need to find it now. I hope it’s enough to make people want more.
LikeLike
ooh creepy, but very nicely done! Great entry. I like the ending.
LikeLike
Thank you Kathy.
LikeLike
Well done! 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Christy.
LikeLike
Creepy, disturbing and intriguing. Great work.
LikeLike
Much appreciated, Lisa.
LikeLike
Talk about an interesting take on the prompt! Love the crime scene idea. And her ‘mental notes’ create a very vivid, sinister picture. Awesome job!
LikeLike
Thanks Daisy. I’ve been reading as many as I can, and I’m glad to see so many different takes on it.
LikeLike
Congratulations! Your piece has been shortlisted to advance to the quarter final round. Good luck!
LikeLike
Wow…thank you. I didn’t even know there was something to advance to. OY….I just like the challenge.
LikeLike
I love how you interpreted the prompt, especially the opening line. Nice work! 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks Carrie. It’s just the first thing that came to me.
LikeLike
Grody, yet pulled off in a most effective way. Nice one! 🙂
LikeLike
LOVE you used the word “grody”!! Haven’t heard that word used in a long time. Thanks David
LikeLike
Dark and gritty and yes, very real. you have a way with words.
LikeLike
Rek, that’s a real compliment. Thank you.
LikeLike
Wow, great description of the detective’s mental checklist. Some good detail in that for sure. Now I want retribution and justice for the victim, and the protagonist as well. Loved the dark atmosphere you created.
LikeLike
Kevin, always keep the audience wanting more. Yeah, retribution is needed, that’s for sure. Thank you for the kind words.
LikeLike
Those descriptions made me feel like I was actually there! Splendidly written!
LikeLike
It’s amazing what the mind will fill in. Due to the limitations of 200 words, I had to sacrifice some things to get to the essence. Thanks Kriti.
LikeLike
Great visceral imagery – put me right into the scene. Nice work 🙂
LikeLike
I worked to get people right into the mess. Thanks Ann.
LikeLike
Cops!!
you brought a new twist to the stories posted in this campaign!!
Thanks for stopping by my blog!!
Another author
LikeLike
Thanks Abhishek. Yeah, I didn’t want to go the horror route. Glad to see so many different takes on it.
LikeLike
Excellent fodder for a gripping crime thriller! Great job!
LikeLike
Thanks JC. Not sure if I’ll take this further, but I do like it as well.
LikeLike
I really liked this one! Scary and suspenseful! Nice work!
I’m #37
LikeLike
Thanks Alyssa. I’m making my rounds, trying to read em all. I’ll get to yours soon.
LikeLike
Very evocative, which made it kinda gruesome. But that’s what you were going for so well done.
LikeLike
I have read plenty of Deever books and the like and they don’t shy away from the gruesome. Thanks
LikeLike
You painted a very vivid picture with very few words, Stuart. I could see that scene and sense the tragedy. Great job.
LikeLike
Thank you so much, Mary.
LikeLike
Very intense. The descriptions definitely made me shiver.
LikeLike
Thank yiou JE. Using kids is always pushing the button of many.
LikeLike
I am just in awe of your work. And you know what I will say 😉
LikeLike
Yes, I know, and you do know I thank you for those sentiments. I will try to make it so. Thanks Hajra.
LikeLike
I wonder who did that to the girl . . . it sounds like the beginning to a Thriller or Mystery novel!
Great entry.
LikeLike
Thanks GE. I only intended to do the challenge, and now…I agree. There could be something here; been rolling it around my noggin since I posted it.
LikeLike
I can feel the disgust of the cops. Dark and very effective. Like it a lot!
LikeLike
I’m glad, Nick. Thank you very much.
LikeLike
Well done!
LikeLike
Thank you Rossandra.
LikeLike
Holy crap, if you aim was to grab my attention Sir you exceeded that goal. I keep wanting to turn the page and find out what happened.
LikeLike
🙂 Thanks Bonnie. Time is coming to really hunker down so that you can have one of those “book” thingys in your hands.
LikeLike
Ooh, I love mysteries. Wasn’t expecting that ending either!
(by the way, the link on your Google/Blogger profile is to http://www.bornstoryteller,com – it’s missing the word wordpress in there, and gives an error message)
LikeLike
Thanks Deniz. Glad to provide the unexpected.
LikeLike
Great job! This was very well-written. Definitely set off vivid imagery.
LikeLike
Thank you Ashley. Not the prettiest of imagery, but…
LikeLike
Well Stuart that is flash fiction for sure. But I have to say it didn’t make me very happy. Too vivid which means good writing, but I just felt so bad for those flash fiction people! Maybe next story can have a more upbeat approach, lol?!!
LikeLike
Lynn, I rarely plan out what I’m going to write, especially when it’s from a prompt. I’ll do what I can, but I can’t promise. Thanks.
LikeLike
Ok, you grabbed my attention and then it was gone! Good job and although it was a bit scary and graphic, I loved it.
Where is the rest of the story? 🙂
LikeLike
Not sure if there will be; seems to have hit a nerve with many. But, thank you Cindy.
LikeLike
Now that’s just sick. Good writing and the start to a pretty creepy story. Don’t stop there.
Lee (#126 on the Campaign Challenge List)
An A to Z Co-Host
Tossing It Out
Twitter: @AprilA2Z
#atozchallenge
LikeLike
Lee, I take that as a compliment, both for the writing and the encouragement. Yeah, any murder is heinous, but usually people are more creeped out by kids.
LikeLike
Nice job – the ending caught me by surprise. 🙂
LikeLike
That’s a good sign. Thanks CB
LikeLike
Very dark, but very good. This could be an intro to a CSI episode. 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks Joy. Hmmm….CSI people…are you listening?
LikeLike
Excellent. Really interesting. I was hooked immediately and wanted more. The description of the ‘body’ was superb. All in just 200 words. Great job and you have my vote. New follower 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you so much Claire.
LikeLike
I really enjoyed this. Nice to see a different take on the Challenge. Great descriptions of ‘the body’ and so much atmosphere in only 200 words. I wanted to read more …
LikeLike
LOL thought my previous comment hadn’t worked! Sorry.
LikeLike
i dont envy her job, but hope her story isnt over!
good job!
LikeLike
Thanks Tara. I’m not sure if the Detective’s story is done, or just beginning.
LikeLike
Very disturbing scene. You’ve got my vote
LikeLike
Thank you very much, Andrew.
LikeLike
Your pacing is perfect. Upsetting, but perfect.
LikeLike
Thank you Jodi. Yeah, upsetting is the key to this whole thing.
LikeLike
This was the first good thriller version of the flash I’ve come across. Loved it, want to read the novel! Liked it so much I am now going to check out your novel on Amazon.
LikeLike
Charmaine, thank you so much. I hope you enjoy “Flash Over.” It’s a psychological thriller. Let me know what you think.
LikeLike
Wow, that is really dark. So not my genre but well done. Mine is #71
LikeLike
Thank you Bridget. Yeah, I understand dark thrillers are not everyone’s bag.
LikeLike
Oooh, gritty! Nice job.
LikeLike
Thank you. I’m getting all these great adjectives!!
LikeLike
Wow, I didn’t see that coming! Good description of the girl.
LikeLike
Thanks Rachel.
LikeLike
Short but powerful…Is she dead?
LikeLike
I could tell you, Muriel, but then I’d have to… 😉
not sure. time will tell.
LikeLike
Nice description of the body. I thought it was a start to a serial killer or cult type mystery and then the twist caught me by complete surprise. Good job.
LikeLike
Thank you. I love things that come out of nowhere, but make sense within the setting.
LikeLike
Great piece! I love thrillers like this. 🙂
Cherie Reich – Author
LikeLike
Thanks Cherie.
LikeLike
Very nicely done.
LikeLike
Thank you.
LikeLike
Felt like I was there. Good job.
LikeLike
Thank you Traci. Not easy to do in 200 words. Glad it worked.
LikeLike
Heart-wrenching. I hate these sorts of stories… Great job!
LikeLike
Allan, I know. But, they happen. Thanks, again, for stopping by. Always appreciated.
LikeLike
Chilling, intense and well written. It’s heartbreaking to think of the thousands of children that are hurt this way every day. Great job!
LikeLike
Yes, it is. There are brutal people out there. Thanks Amber.
LikeLike
Aloha Stuart,
Cheers for the comment on my entry and wanted to stop by and return the favor.. now, after reading yours, I want to find out what happened next 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks Mark. Always leave them wanting more, eh? 🙂
LikeLike
Great piece! I really enjoy stories like this one. I really want to know what happens next.
LikeLike
Thanks Komal. Not sure if I’ll take this further. We’ll see.
LikeLike
Pingback: The Roaring Cascade (Writer’s Platform-Building Campaign part two) « Tale Spinning
Pingback: My Homepage