Category Archives: Depression

ZENITH/NADIR: Liquid Time A to Z Blogging Challenge

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ZENITH/NADIR

LIQUID TIME

“Both in thought and in feeling, even though time be real, to realize the unimportance of time is the gate of wisdom.” ~ ~ Bertrand Russell

“The Lotus opens. Movement from earth, through water, from fire to air. Out and in beyond life and death now, beyond inner and outer, sense and non-sense, meaning and futility, male and female, being and non-being, Light and darkness, void and full. Beyond all duality, or non-duality, beyond and beyond. Disincarnation. I breathe again.” ~ ~ R. D. LAING

Paris, 16th arrondissement, le restaurant de l’Hôtel sur le toit vide





In every form of communication: “This is a beautiful view. So many beautiful views.”

♁ Ananke is a whisper without sound. She is. (ZV) acknowledges this forever knowledge. They revert to two, standing on a rooftop over Paris, lighting on other vantage points across the universes. They are among the cosmos. Limitless. No boundaries.

There is nothing outside of the box if there is no box to begin with.

Zehara and Valentina are tangible here, as they are elsewhere. Their essences remain connected, corporeal or not. Wrapping arms around the other, foreheads touching, breaths mingling, all lasts infinitely in the fraction of that second. They know the “why here?” before the question forms between them.

“This is where we first met,” they absorb the words in unison. Ananke, Necessitas, Ge, the Mother, allows the countless stars to lighten the darkness.

“As it was meant” fills any void.

The rooftop unfolds as it was: café tables, the mosaic tops iridescent waves of hues of blues and golds balanced on wrought iron Art Deco curlicues, red leather chair seating at the tables and for the chaise lounge settees. Gold thread embroidery traversed the fabric. Fine crystal flutes at the ready filled with sparkling champagne of prime vintage. Vegetarian Aperitifs strategically placed, the colors complimenting one dish to another.

Valentina.

Valentina was the guest of honor at this soiree, lauded for her breakthroughs in Biogenetic  Engineering. Every government wanted her. She forced a laugh at every bon mot, listened to and fobbed off the enticements, both scientific and sexual, and was thoroughly bored. Funding was a core ingredient to continue her work. Valentina was tired of being brought out as a gift to be bid on. Exquisite as the champagne was, she only sipped the first hour of the evening away, looking for an opportunity to leave. A spilled drink near her, the endless apologies, cleaning of the stain on her dress that was invented, was her chance. Her chance.

Zehara.

She came late, her entrance marked by the flurry of paparazzi yelling her name, the model of the moment. Zehara was weary of this game, being seen to be seen. She accepted the invitation only with the caveat that this would truly be a closed affair. Champagne in had, Zehara ditched the executive she arrived with, wandering the roof, taking in the panoramic view of Paris. She allowed herself to slink into the shadows, loving the absence of demands. Another was the center of attention. Zehara relished that, for once. But not for long. She grew deathly bored.

Zehara, full glass in hand, was making her way to exit the engagement. In her path was the honoree, surrounded by a pack waiting to eat their way in. She hadn’t paid Valentina much attention, but now. Everything changed for her. The attraction was magnified beyond anything Zehara had experienced before. One step, and Zehara faltered. Valentina took notice. She was in the process of taking in the wonder of Zehara, a rush of empty lust washing away her normal reticent ways, when the champagne made a splash.

They ignored the chaos, walking as far away from the clashing as they could. As they made their way to the roof’s railings, their hands found the others’. A now empty settee caught their eyes. Zehara broke hands, sped to the seating, and turned it so that Paris was fully before them. Hunkering down on the settee, doing their best not to be seen and interrupted, Valentina and Zehara began.

“This is an appreciation, a thank you,” a vibrato from Ananke, primordial personification of compulsion.

(ZV) held themselves tightly. Turning to the manifestation of The Mother

TRANSITION

IS

Time continues to scream

Time continues its fragmented shrinkage

♁ Ananke Is

A wavering, touch like, and Time is stilled

(ZV) is in attendance

Another entity as well

Ananke

Khronos

Time holds them all

Life is sustaining

A mewl of confusion weighs heavy

Something new, for the constant Time

♁  Subvocalizes

we were
ONE
Khronos. Ananke.
progenitors at creation
that had existed, is existing, will exist
we emerged self-born
formed the ordered universe(s)
set in our tasks
of Time
of Life
of being the cosmos

Yet
a divergence
an expenditure of Chaos
a swelling of Entropy
an order corrupted
the continuum of Time 
became a corruption of Time

destruction amplified
erosion amplified
deaths deaths deaths
fell before their
time

this was Ragnarok 
which never was to be gained
the final destruction
was upon ALL
my worlds
my creatures
my planes of existence
I

separate entities
Khronos applied Death
at a rate I could not change
we were in balance
were suppose to be balanced
existed for balance
I was not enough







JANICULUM

“We were created. Z in the Pod. V at control”

Statement

“Yes”

“You mixed with the extreme radiation. A fusion of Life”

“Yes”

“From our meeting?”

“From the first seeds of unbalance”

“To disrupt Time”

“Yes”

“To weaken Time. To permeate Time. To bring Life into Time’s equation.”

“Yes”

“And to bring and emotional sequence that Time never held”

Silence

“Truth: were we ever really in love?”

“Yes”

Quiet is sustained.

The other is still there but not noticed.

“What of you, Gaia? Are you unbalanced? Have you undergone a parallel disrupture?”

Silence

“If we are a counter point for Khronos…we are, yes?”

“Yes”

“What is yours?”

Into the void, the other makes themselves noticed.

Silent Khronos extends to (ZV)

“They are my balance beyond Khronos. You are Time’s balance beyond Ananke.”

(ZV) sees the other.

Ἀστερία. Karen. Good. Chaos.”

“Yes”

“They are in pain. They are in contradiction.”

“As you fused. Yes.”

(ZV) understands.

CONNECTIONS

♁ Ananke IS

Everywhere

Khronos IS

Everywhen

(KA)

Finds their way

(ZV)

ARE

EPILOGUE ON SATURDAY, MAY 1ST, 2021

COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED

XAIN: Liquid Time A to Z Blogging Challenge 2021

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A to Z Blogging Challenge 2021

XAIN

LIQUID TIME

“Time is a feature of creation, and the creator remains apart from it, transcendent over it.” ~ ~ James Gleick

EVERYWHEN

Ananke

Is witness to all beginnings; to all ends.

The End of All Things rips apart the progenitor with every erasure.

Erasures are Endless.

Endless.

There is nothing to measure.

It is or it is not.

Everything Is.

(☿+♀+☾+♂+♃+♄+♅+♆+♇+☼)+∞³⋝ω

Khronos is a part of the process, as is

Ananke

They were

♁ ⋝ t (⨍⨳⊎∞) =⨿

Khronos upset the balance

The Screams Must Stop

JANICULUM

(ZV) feels the sacred knife from their temple slice into the ethereal-corporal sync they have manifested. They feel a rift, a change, yet pain is of the past, not the present. What comes can not be seen from here. They have been severed from an aspect of themselves that has left the feeling of <.

Only for that time of piercing

A great severing occurred.

They experience the force within them ascend to a higher intensity

What was a standstill finds Khronos waver

Wavered

Khronos meets level meeting level

Balance happens

Khronos identifies the truth

(ZV) shares the truth

Awareness that the blade Ἀστερία bore sliced through the other

Ἀστερία‘s discorporation fused with her screams

A union of screams merged with Ἀστερία‘s

(ZV) + Khronos took notice

SHE is

LAB

FLOAT POD

CONNECTS

  • VALENTINA AND ZEHARA
    • Were profoundly in love
    • Each were admired
    • One for high status in the scientific world
    • One for great physical beauty
    • It went to their egos
    • It split them apart
    • The hurt went both ways
  • Valentina found backing for her project
    • Science + Transcendentalism
    • Taking the mind to next levels
    • Valentina threw herself all in
  • Zehara suffered and drifted
    • Hurt, alone, falling into the darkest shadows
    • Tried to commit suicide on Government land
    • Valentina’s lab was housed there
    • Recovering, an offer came
    • She took it
  • Karen
    • Jealousy ruled her ego
    • She easily acquiesced to Government intrusion
      • Valentina did not know
      • Z did not know
    • Another intruded with a thought of a touch
  • The Float Pod
    • Z vanished
    • V vanished
    • The Lab, the Float Pod, the Screams
  • K was noticed
  • elsEwhens
    • (ZV)
    • Khronos
    • Ἀστερία
    • Ananke
    • Everywhen/where/what/who

THIS IS

COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME

WICK LAUGHTER (& an AtoZ Apology)

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Standing true
Waiting to be ignited
It comes
An action
The gift is seized
Levity flares
Glittering bright
Until it is blown out
And darkens the night

So, about that A to Z Blogging Challenge, 2021…

I am NOT throwing in the towel. I’m not giving up. Not gonna happen.

What is happening is that Happenings got in my way. Life. Sucks.

I will do my best to post S before midnight 4/23, then catch up over the weekend.

  • T is for Saturday, 4/24
  • U will be Sunday, 4/25
  • V is Monday, 4/26
  • W is Tuesday, 4/27
  • X is Wednesday, 4/28
  • Y is Thursday, 4/29
  • Z is Friday, 4/30
  • (There might be one last piece on May 1. We’ll see).
  • Final Reflection: 5/4 or 5/5

I hope you enjoy this little ditty. The idea started from a comment I made on Brewing Coffee, Twisting Words & Breaking Pencils.

Give Shari a visit. You’ll be glad you did.

QUAIL, IN‽ : Liquid Time A to Z Blogging Challenge 2021

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QUAIL, IN‽

LIQUID TIME

Life isn’t a matter of milestones, but of moments.” ~ ~ Rose Kennedy

(ZV) withered

(Compositions + Substance) Bond

Broke

A rupture

Null unit { }

Z

V

Unjoined

The moment slipped out of their control





elsEwhen Z

anger anguish escalate/s/d to nth level extremes bringing a mind blankness overruled by the raging mixture of emotions Z had no awareness of the deaths the sundering caused in Z’s wake diseases transferred at rates unimaginable when all Z was brought to islands of quiet of peace of centering only to be jaunted into the swirls of destructive force to return to peace to seek out violence to destroy to quiet to all things detrimental all until Z challenged Khronos who slapped Z down rejected rejected snubbed erased until





elsEwhen V
V filtered through equations, all equations
Dispelling the soul freezing zemblanity
That washed over and through V
To return to equations, formulas,
Routine
While suffering this travesty of moments
That soothed, touched, cherished, ached
That itched, burned, chilled, ached
In a melody of high bliss
Counterbalanced by exquisite agony
An emotional/pragmatic overload
Where it all led to Khronos
Who had no sense of V
Draining V
until

JANICULUM CALLED TO THEM

MOMENTS: Liquid Time A to Z Blogging Challenge 2021

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MOMENTS

LIQUID TIME

I don’t think it is possible to contribute to the present moment in any meaningful way while being wholly engulfed by it.” Maria Popova

elsEwhen ∞

the Doomsday Clock at 100 seconds to midnight

TRANSITION

Z grasps the fringe of Khronos

“Zehara! Nooooooo…”

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” ~ ~ Albert Einstein

COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME AND APPRECIATED.

THANK YOU.

KHRONOS, FIXED: Liquid Time A to Z Blog Challenge 2019

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KHRONOS, FIXED

LIQUID TIME

“As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.” ~ ~ Henry David Thoreau

Z dragged V synchronously

through time as a variable

plowing through constants

converted t=d/s through m/t = rVa

Inseparability minus permanence

Undergoing

TRANSITION

Falling through fissures in space, witnessing

TRANSITION

Moments of conceptualizations, births, meetings, lovers, divides, becoming, endings, rebirths

TRANSITION

Motes in each other’s eyes

TRANSITION TRANSITION TRANSITION TRANSITION TRANSITION TRANSITION

Touching down with unerring precision

Experiencing

Changing

Expunging

Becoming

Overcoming

TRANSITION

To become love

To forge destruction

To navigate the river of time in its unremitting flow

To navigate the river of time

To navigate the river

To Navigate

Z sprawled to be TIME

V implored Z to STOP

(ZV) unfolded,

they touched the hem of Ti…

KHRONOS

took notice

“If time and reason are functions of each other, if we are creatures of time, then we had better know it, and try to make the best of it. To act responsibly.”

~ ~Ursula K. Le Guin

Comments are always welcome and appreciated.

Thank you.

TALES OF TALE SPINNING

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©Edward Gorey

TALES OF TALE SPINNING

OR

The A to Z Epics, More or Less

I started Tale Spinning at the beginning of 2011 as an offshoot of BornStoryteller. The latter went more towards non-fiction, rants, comparisons, and observations. Tale Spinning: an experiment in creative writing was the space I needed.
Since then, I’ve gone through periods of both non-stop writing and those “dry” spells, where nothing inspired or motivated me.

Joining the A to Z Blogging Challenge in April 2011 was one of the smartest moves I’ve ever made. I’ve pushed my own boundaries over the ten years, always looking for that “challenge.” Taking risks is stimulating. A lot of what I write is expressing what is burning within me at the moment.

Which is probably why I have trouble continuing plunging into the worlds and characters I’ve built over the years. The roller-coaster upheaval of my life during these last ten years have jaggedly flowed from euphoric to complete and utter numbness. This isn’t a pity party. Just stating the facts, ma’am.

Many bloggers/writers I have “met along the way have become family. What is “Family is Chosen” for $2,000, Alex?” (Man, I miss Alex Trebek. Right now, I am Team Levar Burton to become the new host. Reading Jeopardy Rainbow!). It’d take me the rest of the day (it’s early here) to point you all out, but my thanks and love are hereby sent. I even met the woman I love writing these blog posts during that first A to Z. Present tense, even though we are not together anymore.

Shit happens.

Anyways.

List Time. In case, you know, want to read past (and present) A to Z attempts. Each set starts with A on April 1st of that year. There might be a few preceding posts/teases over the years as I tried out the new voice I was shooting for.

A TO Z POSTS

Here’s something not A to Z that I’d love to get your feedback/comments. I keep getting drawn back to it on an emotional/mental level, but have not added a thing to it in quite a while. These were written during the summer of 2011.

The Kitsune-Mochi and Fox Saga

FLEETING: Liquid Time A to Z Blog Challenge April 2021

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FLEETING

Liquid Time

A to Z Blog Challenge

“Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.” ~ ~ Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Zero hour. Day. Era. Epoch. Eon. Aeon.

Z subdivides along a non-unilinear line. Stopping milliseconds to absorb, dispel, bask.

Those are the fragments where a thought filters through.

Z assembles the pieces. Z experiences every emotional spectrum idea, searching for

Love.

Z does not believe in love. Love, to Z, equates to Pain.

Pain is a constant. Love=Pain never has/is/will be love ≠ pain. It is exact. For Z, it is exact.

There are no approximates.

Any/every instance Love touches Z is followed by an infinite drop.

Z is lost.

Inside, Z is lost in gathering specifics. The pure, unwavering distillation of Z’s perception of Love.

The amassing is complete.

Z stretches the limits of time to compact and keep.

The next second arrives.

Without the pain association. Z is blocking out the aftermath, the thrown away aspect, the being left, unnoticed, unwanted.

Another point arrives. The whole splinters.

Z

TRANSISTION

NEW!!!! TALE SPINNING is also a Podcast!

I plan to start recording MY reading of my posts. Maybe by 5/12/2021. Knowing me, maybe 2022. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the narration.

You can find Tale Spinning on:

Spotify iTunes PocketCasts Breaker Google Podcasts RadioPodcast (last two awaiting verification).

Tale Spinning, the Podcast, will include past series, interviews, and more.

Please Support Tale Spinning.

You can subscribe on any of the above platforms.

Comments are always welcome.

ElSeWHEN: Liquid Time A to Z Blog Challenge April 2021

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ELSeWHEN

Liquid Time

A to Z Blog Challenge

“Forever is composed of nows.” ~ Emily Dickinson 

Z thought as a black whole.

Z experienced everything at this/that moment without color.

Z tasted in shadows.

From the shadows came terror.

Z was a variant of a virulent tinnitus strain. Z was at a fixed point of -50 dB.

Z is the shriek that passes through the outer, middle, and inner structures, vibrating into an E Tube.

Traveling is a poor word of choice for Z in this state of being. Peripatetic is more to the point. Z travels from place to place, being to being, dimension by gradation of planes of existence

Z connects.

There are multitudes of levels of every emotional path that any can experience . Z knows.

There are a multitude of levels of pain. Hundreds of millions of points of view involving hundreds of millions of junctures, phases, factors, accents, factors. Z connects to All. All. All.

Z is at zero hour.

TRANSISTION

THE LAB

FLOAT POD con

“Stop fussing. Stop. I’m fine.”

Pushes hand away.

I said stop!”

Cursing, the medic walks out.

“Karen, there is nothing I can add to my statement.”

Debris is being removed. New equipment is being installed.

“Look, Val. Standard BS to make them happy. I know you. I know. Knew, Tyson. Just tell me what you edited out.”

Glare met stare.

“I do not have all day, Dr. Fill in the fucking blanks.”

Takes glass. Sips water. Another sip.

“VAL!”

“Tyson didn’t screw up. I did not screw up. He was being an ass, as usual.”

Pause.

“Fine. You heard the Banshee call. You heard the escalation. Then the cessation. The console sparked. I woke up on the steps, behind the railing.” Sips. “No, again, I have no idea how I wound up there. The pain in my back, my battered face? Stairs. Boom.”

Stare.

“Why did you break Tyson’s fingers?”

Pause.

“I…”

“Why did you break Tyson’s fingers?”

Pause.

Head turns. Sees FP. Nothing. Still in one piece.

Head still turned away.

“Jackass was reaching to mute. The data coming in and Tyson thought he was going to the mute button. He reached too far. He was going to incinerate the inside of the pod.”

“And?”

“He couldn’t hear me, damnit. He couldn’t hear me call out. I went for his wrist. My eyes were vibrating. Wrist. Hand. Fingers. I needed to stop him. So, I did.””

“And?”

Staring at the Float Pod. Shrugs shoulders.

Heartbeats pass.

“OK.”

Nod of head.

A chukka boot approaches.

Hand taps her shoulder.

“Dr. Marin? I need you to come with me, ma’am.
Her head turns to the other woman.

“Go with him, Valentina. Go. I’ll be with you again. Soon.”

Dr. Valentina Marin leaves what’s left of the lab.

She does not turn to look back.

THIS IS THE DAY Z DOES NOT DIE

Too Often: a Villanelle

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Too Often, by S. Nager

Walk away. Walk away. Alone. Apart

Be dismissed, discarded, a second thought.

Now hide every piece of your broken heart

 

 

Love fractures, splits, by an uncaring dart

Shattered pieces, a broken soul is taut

Walk away. Walk away. Alone. Apart.

 

 

With love’s ending comes a yearn to depart

Disregarded love that never was sought

Now hide every piece of your broken heart

 

 

Each time, within your grasp, a fresh new start

Drifted, drifted, gone, even though you fought

Walk away. Walk away. Alone. Apart.

 

 

What was conceived more emotion not smart

Gave of yourself love could not be caught                                                 

Now hide every piece of your broken heart

 

 

Dreams of fidelity, hopes to restart

All dashed and ignored from a life so fraught,

Walk away. Walk away. Alone. Apart.

Now hide every piece of your broken heart

 

***************************************************************************

Author’s Note:

I used the poetic form of a Villanelle for the above poem. This is my first attempt as this was new, to me. Dylan Thomas’s “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night” is a prime example of this poetic style. It is a 19 line poem with 5 Tercets (3 lines) that follow an ABA rhyme pattern, and one Quatrain (4 lines) to end the poem. Its rhyme pattern is ABAA. The last two lines of the Quatrain are the Refrain (which I crafted first) and they are used in the 2nd to 5th Tercet, intermittently. Thomas use of the 10 syllables per line harks to Elizabethan/Shakespearian Sonnets.

This was a bit challenging at first. I’m glad I tried it. I’ll probably do more, as I did with Sonnets over the years.

Remember: comments are always welcome.