Category Archives: Pantsing

What It Is

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the-vanishing-time-sandy-wijaya

Crumbled mass of memories

Beating to remain

Drift away in pieces

Day by week

Week by month

Our chorus has refrained.

 

Let the days go by

Time is translucent

Affixed by artificial means

Seconds are meaningless

Hours, years, what do they share?

Try to keep track of this dark despair.

 

Say: “It’ll be over soon. We’ll return to normal.”

Hope that’s true, but, it’s written in the wind

Carved deep by our wants

Fashioned by others invested greed

It’ll all be over soon.

Hah! Don’t hold your breath.

 

Don’t cross my boundaries

While I obliterate yours

My space is limitless

Go back to other shores

I am eternally right

You know you’re always wrong.

 

Don’t come closer

Don’t you fucking dare.

Hide behind a wall of hate

Imagine I don’t give a shit

This world is for the taking

One breath will never come.

 

History becomes what we think

Nothing learned; ours to repeat

Our earth creeks and shakes

As it senses and retaliates

In the beginning, one

So at the end. None.

 

Crumbled mass of what we were

Bleeding to remain

Feeling wasted, dried to dust

Yet we wait behind closed doors

Time isn’t after us

Nothing is holding us.

 

**Apologies and credit to The Talking Heads.

 

Nightmare Reflection: 2020 AtoZ Blog Challenge

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Reflection #atozchallenge 2020

 

NIGHTMARE REFLECTIONS

NIGHTMARES FROM AN UNBLEACHED SOUL

The AtoZ Blog Challenge 2020

Writing In Captivity

The AtoZ is a challenge. I take that seriously. Since 2011, my first foray into this, I have changed gears from year to year. I like stretching beyond my comfort zones. Some of it has been well taken in both Stats and comments. Others, like this year, not so much.

I am pleased with what I chose to do:  write 26 Lyrical Poems under the theme title. Write every day in April, except Sundays. I have written poetry before, many well received by the readers. But, I write in that style intermittently.

This was truly a challenging April.

If you’ve followed from April 1st  with Awakenings to Zealous O’er the Seas, you’ve experienced my venting, wistfulness, wishing, observations, and anger through my words. Some I rhymed on purpose, some I just let the words loose.

Every single poem was written with a genre of music or musician’s styling playing in my head. I did not intend to appropriate any specific song; it’s the overall mood they convey and are masters of. I’ve written songs before, but I have no knowledge of musical notation and I don’t play a musical instrument. I hear it inside and then turn to someone to collaborate with. From humming it out, setting the beats (as I see them), hearing it played,  gets me going. Seeing how the meter is off from one (or many) line(s) starts my rewrite of the lyrics if needed. Tweaking the piece, scrapping whole verses, you know: first to finished draft.

The music that drifted around me as I wrote the poem daily (I don’t pre-write) is varied:

  1. Big Band/Crooners; Folk music; Rap (as I understand it); Sea Shanties; Rock; Heavy/Thrash Metal; Alt Rock & Alt-Country; Punk; Romantic-ish; Blues; Singer/Songwriter.
  2. Artists:  Tom Waits; Leonard Cohen; The Kinks; Joni Mitchel; Peter Gabriel; Kate Bush; Sousie and the Banshees; Alestorm; Dean Martin; St. Vincent; later Beatles; Beck; The Clash; The Cure; and others that my mind can’t latch onto right now.

Nightmares from an Unbleached Soul

Why Nightmares from an Unbleached Soul? What does that mean, to you? What do you think it means to me? I asked that question near the end of the month and got one response.

Noor Anand Chawla wrote:

I think your title alludes to the fact that you lay yourself and perhaps your worst fears, bare to your audience, through these 26 pieces. “Nightmares” refer to your worst fears, and “unbleached soul” refers to the absence of restraint and being absolutely honest about your feelings.
Perhaps my explanation is too simplistic? What do you think?

Noor pretty much nailed it. I feel that nightmares go beyond our sleep. They are all around us. It could be people, situations, personal fears, perceived fears, and hurt that you feel has been done to you, or that you have done to yourself.

Noor also got the “Unbleached Soul” part. I would add to that when we follow the crowd, stop thinking on our own (or made to stop), refuse to look at things from another angle = Bleached. Soul or Mind: interchangeable.

Overall, I am a non-conformist. I despise the statement “We’ve always done it this way!” For me, there is no box for me to think out of. It’s been imposed on me time and again. Not my thing. I’m creative. I don’t always follow mindless rules, inflexible, with no desire to even listen to a different POV. Sometimes I’ve done that: those are the times I get headaches constantly and down more aspirin than I should.

Try Noor’s blog (link above). I think you’ll enjoy her writing.

Overall 

I love the AtoZ Blog Challenge. I’ve come across some amazing writers, and many have become online friends. Their pieces are varied from all types of fiction to creative non-fiction to reviews and more. That’s a big part of why I come back.

As I mentioned above, I like a challenge when writing. This gives me that opportunity with the potential to reach well beyond the people who follow me. I’m not hawking for new followers. The performer side of me wants people to want more, for the readers to take what they will from the piece that can touch them &/or make them think.

I am disappointed, again already mentioned, with my stats and comments this year. This was the smallest audience of all my years participating. I went out on a limb, poured a lot of what’s inside of me (as Noor mentioned), and while getting some amazing feedback I wonder what didn’t connect with others. Normally, I’ve had serialized stories that are long in length. I get that. Long posts are sometimes passed over, especially when you are blog hopping.

If I join in again next year, I have a lot of contemplation ahead of me.

Big thanks to Arlee Bird and all the other hosts who worked on this year’s Atoz Blog Challenge. It is obvious how much work they have put in. It shows in many ways.

Big thanks 2, to all of my readers, commenters, and supporters. Too many to name, but know your interaction is priceless.

Stay safe and healthy, everyone.

missionaccomplished

Query Élan Vital: Nightmares from an Unbleached Soul, AtoZ Blog Challenge

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 Q2020

NIGHTMARES FROM AN UNBLEACHED SOUL

QUERY ÉLAN VITAL

What's the substance of consciousness? 
The public face that's worn; the other unknown.
Locked in & secure is the hypothesis
Of surviving another day all alone.

The nature of the world that is shown
Demanding expectations that aren't you
Comes in conflict with your moral tone
Become other than yourself, unglued. 

Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?
                                       What's wrong with you? 
Chaque jour, vous endommagez votre âme!
                                       Every day you damage your soul! 
Défaillance fabriquée Hors de contrôle.
                                       Fabricated failure Is out of control. 
Aveugle pour le bien intérieur.
                                       Blind to the good inside. 
Pourquoi es-tu ici?
                                       Why are you here? 
Pourquoi?
                                       Why?


The mind is such a chaotic thing
Taking on more as it melts away
Dripping out as they pluck your strings
Life is a burden on tilted display. 

Numbness finds it's way into despair. 
Tightness in the heart beyond belief
Finding yourself balancing on a chair
Looking for answers, some relief.

¿Qué sucede contigo? 
                                          What's wrong with you? 
¡Cada día dañas tu alma! 
                                          Every day you damage your soul!
La falla fabricada está fuera de control. 
                                         Fabricated failure Is out of control.
Ciego a lo bueno por dentro. 
                                          Blind to the good inside.
¿Por qué estás aquí? 
                                          Why are you here?
¿Por qué?
                                           Why?
[Instrumental]

Nani ka mondaidesu ka?
                                          What's wrong with you?
yeder tog ir shedikn deyn nshmh!
                                          Every day you damage your soul!
Echèk fabrike Èske soti nan kontwòl.
                                          Fabricated failure Is out of control.
Cieco per il buono dentro.
                                          Blind to the good inside.
Limadha 'ant huna?
                                          Why are you here?
Why?                                      Why?
                           Why?

*********************************************************

Author’s Note:

For those that will ask:

The first chorus is in French.

The second one is in Spanish.

The third section has six languages. In order:
Japanese; Yiddish; Haitian Creole; Italian; Arabic; English.

Yes, I had music in my head as I did for every AtoZ entry.

I hope you liked it/were moved by it.

Comments are always welcome.

INCONSIDERATE: Nightmares From An Unbleached Soul, AtoZ Blog Challenge

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I2020

NIGHTMARES FROM AN UNBLEACHED SOUL

INCONSIDERATE

I hold doors for all genders; it's my way
Thinking of others,whatever the day
Please and Thank You are always on cue
You're welcome follows whenever it's due
I'd give up my spot on a crowded bus or a train
But lately from another...no, no. I'll refrain.

It's a blast meeting someone with a pension for being polite
We could play Alfonse and Gaston all through the night
Winding up at a diner at dawn, stifling yawns, 
We drained out third cups of joe, out we go
Cracking smiles with late owls and overnight crew
But lately from another...no, no. I'll eschew. 

Now don't get me wrong, but some can make me blue
They've opinions that they are entitled to
But confrontations growled right out loud
Behind my back or in front of a crowd
Greed and jealousy are not part of my deck
But lately from another..oh well, what the heck.

Mr. Inconsiderate, without the Mr. is her stance
Facing each other we do an antagonistic dance
Yet she fails in her visions of superiority over me
Now any infractions that she perceives
Is handed to her flunky to handle. It's a crazy scene
But lately from another..oh well, she's just mean.

[The band]
HA YEAH
She's just mean

[sotto voce] 
Now you don't have to just take my word
Every encounter has been taped and observed
Big Sister is watching, tries to use this clout
To knock people off kilter, spinning all about

[Loud and call backs]
HEY BIG SISTER
              [HEY BIG SISTER]
I SAID HEY BIG SISTER
              [HEY BIG SISTER]
MR. INCONSIDERATE WON'T TAKE IT
              [HEY, WON'T TAKE IT]
AS TIMOTHY LEARY SAID, OH SO PRECISE
               [Oooo Oooo Ooooo]
I'll question your authority
Until you learn to play...
Nice. 
               
[spoken]
Maybe not even then!
Inconsideration is not in my purview
Right now? It's up to you.
Roll the dice. 
Ciao!




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“I” had me in a holding pattern for most of the day.  Then a style of music, and singer, popped into my head. I’m glad I listen to so many types and genres.

Nightmares From An Unbleached Soul. 26 posts during April, a new Lyrical Poem with every post.

If you’d like to discover new blogs along interests you may have or want to explore, click on The Master List on the AtoZ Blogging Challenge page.

FRAGMENTED: Nightmares from an Unbleached Soul, AtoZ Blog Challenge

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F2020

NIGHTMARES FROM AN UNBLEACHED SOUL

FRAGMENTED

All the labels that you wear
Defines your status but you don’t care
How many were placed on you?
You yoke yourself it’s true
Wearing down your fractured mind
You’re Leaving a piece trail behind

Try to make it all fit tight
Losing it all in an inner fight
Something unattainable, a dream for
Leaves you always wanting more.
Who are you trying to please today?
Why do you forget yourself this way?

Their expectations fracture you
Breaking your soul into two
Then as the years go they want more
It’s less of you that’s for sure
Pieces fragmented off bit by bit
Until you feel you do not fit.

And you don’t fit yourself at last
The construct of you decomposes fast
Holding on to what you dreamed
Does not fit with other’s schemes
Who are you? Why are you here?
These questions just disappear.

Why are you? Why do you care?
You’re living out life’s nightmare
Sometimes getting it in the face
Just to keep you in your place.
The more you blindly follow the throng
You’ll fade away like the end of this song.

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Nightmares From An Unbleached Soul

This is a very different AtoZ for me. It’s a risk; it’s a challenge.

Lyrical poetry.  Looking at the nightmares we live, dream, create for ourselves and have thrust upon us. Not all the lyrics will be pretty.  I rarely do pretty. Some will be very, very raw. No apologies.

My heart drips blood while it is on my sleeve.

 

Check out the other blogs that participate. Click above on the letter F or the highlighted link. Look for the master list. Lots to choose from. Enjoy

Lists

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lists

LISTS

 

 

Lisa wrote a list for everything. A shopping list. A checklist when taking the car in for check-ups. Activities for the children, then the grandchildren, lists upon lists. There was a list for work. A list for after work. The weekly cleaning list. The weekend chore list. List after list after list: all in neat, justified left block letters. Never script, where confusions lay. Lisa had a ream of repeating lists, with the rare altercation of an addition or subtraction. She worked hard for that not to happen too often. That way leaves a door open for unnecessary anxiety.

There was one list that Lisa never put down in writing. She refused to believe that there was a need for such a list. She had scratched that off her previous life list, in indelible ink, and had no intention of finding a way to remove the blot of her life. Things moved along as they did, and Lisa’s life was list approved. She was happy, checking off everything that needed to be checked off.

Then HE crossed the line. Lisa dreaded that there was an intrusion in her life list and denied including it on any list. He was persistent in his attention, admiring her work, posting comments on her blog, praising the subtleties of her stories, the intricate character nuances that brought them to life. Lisa was flattered by the attention, but still. She was taken in by the way he constructed his stories and characters. He wrote in genres she would never have written herself, yet they drew her in so that she was breathing the same air his dramatis personae did.

They lived hours away from each other. He calculated it once, after she gave in to his questing, that they lived  214.7 miles apart. Lisa relaxed. He remained off of her list. Her main list. Well, maybe he was an asterisk to the bottom at first. The asterisk s l o w l y moved up the side of one checklist, then another, intruding in places Lisa had had no intentions for intrusions to begin, or stay. Or to leave her in pondering mini-panic.

Their commentaries took a total of nine weeks and four days to move to personal emails. A month later, they began texting. One and a half weeks and their voices met in a two-hour-plus phone conversation. Which grew in spurts, various lengths of time talking, while still commenting on each other’s new postings. The daily texts just happened. If she had listed all of this, the trajectory of it all, the magnitude, would have had her not only blot out each entry but she would have shredded the list, torn the paper to bits, and then thrown the bits into the roaring firepit at her son’s place.

Lisa astounded herself when she heard the word “Yes” leave her lips when he asked if they could meet. In-person. Face to face. A day out from behind the sterile safety of their 214.7 miles. When the plans were concrete, place, day, and time set, Lisa allowed a bubbling list to grow inside of her. They were going to get together the following Saturday. Six days. High noon, he insisted. She loved that movie. She was in.

For the almost full week, Lisa ran 12 pros and cons lists, eight of them written, the others worked in her head as she drove back and forth to her part-time job. The pros beat the cons one drive to, whereas the cons vastly outweighed the pros on the way home. She prepped, changed decisions about things she had firmly decided on, and clogged her wastebasket with itsy bitsy scraps of lists.

Saturday arrived. She was determined to go through with meeting him. Lisa was listless as she drove to the place they decided to meet at an offbeat museum with a decidedly macabre collection and history. Her choice, his ready acceptance, was near the top of her Pro lists every time.

She pulled into the lot, parked the car, and sat to breathe. She pulled out the mini-list she had made that morning and checked the few points off. Unbuckling her shoulder seat belt was the next to last item.

Lisa looked out her car window, toward the front of the museum. He was standing there, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet. She took a deep breath in, held it, let it out slowly, and then opened the car door and got out. He waved and smiled. She returned both, checking off the last thing on that meeting list as she walked over to join him.

Reveal Yourself! : The AtoZ Blog Challenge + a Bonus

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“I suppose all fictional characters, especially in adventure or heroic fiction, at the end of the day are our dreams about ourselves. And sometimes they can be really revealing.”
Alan Moore

“The act of writing is a way of tricking yourself into revealing something that you would never consciously put into the world. Sometimes I’m shocked by the deeply personal things I’ve put into books without realizing it.”
Chuck Palahniuk

“its memories that I’m stealing, but you’re innocent when you dream”                                     Tom Waits

16Theme

Hi

I started Tale Spinning in January of 2011. April happened, and I discovered the AtoZ Blog Challenge. It has been a path I’ve taken just about every April since then (I didn’t participate twice; life, y’ know?).

When I sign up, I rarely know what I’m going to tackle by Theme Reveal Day. I’ll have an underlying theme title, maybe, and let the story/characters/ideas take over once we come very close to the start on April 1st.

Last year’s story, A Car in the Woods, began as one idea and morphed into something completely different by the third post. Some of that came from comments from the readers (comments ARE important); the rest of it, the characters spoke up and made the story-line happen. This year could be the same. Won’t know until we get there.

So, my AtoZ Challenge Theme Reveal is…bfdf76177b189d0d568eb27495748d23_exciting-news-drum-roll-please-words-big-news-writing_1314-1600

Nightmares for Unbleached Souls

I was taking one of my walks. 6,000 steps into Tom Waits soul (which is a cool theme idea unto itself). His songs propelled me along. Somewhere along my route Innocent When You Dream starts playing. Through my headphones, I really HEAR everything that Waits is pouring out, laying his thoughts and feelings down for anyone who will listen, to experience.

The song, like others of his, stops me. I replay it a few times. Then a few more times. The words moved me while I stood still.

I’m a bit twisted, for those who’ve never read my writing before. For me, going in the opposite direction from a jumping-off point is kind of my norm.  Hence, Innocent When You Dream rolled into Nightmares for Unbleached Souls.

Thank you, Mr. Waits. For all the words and music. For being my muse for this challenge.

I have my initial AtoZ list of nightmares/phobias (which most likely will change as I write during the month). I’m still debating the form this will take. Right now, I am contemplating:

  1. Song Lyrics. Yes, I’ve written songs before. The challenge here would be 26 in a row. It is also something I’ve never tried in all the years I’ve been doing this; there’s the appeal.
  2. Diary-like entries, episodic but with an underlying back story (yes, my mind is drifting towards Lovecraft)
  3. Individual posts that let me go where it will take me (Flash Fiction; Drabble; Poetry; etc.). Essentially, stand-alone stories that have nothing to do with any of the previous posts but keep to the theme (I’m thinking along the lines of Ray Bradbury’s The Illustrated Man, but in my own way).

#1 seems to hold my attention more, and I think it fits with how I came to this AtoZ Theme: Tom Waits songs.

We’ll see when April 1st arrives.

YOU can still join in. Visit the Blogging from A to Z home page. Take a gander at the Master List and Theme Reveal pages to see who is already participating. As I’ve mentioned before, it is not just creative writing. Non-fiction postings sit next to photography a day, parent advice blogs, poetry, and so on.

Just remember one thing: Comments are important.

Thanks. I hope you’ll enjoy what’s coming to Tale Spinning.

Bonus with colour confetti. Vector paper illustration.

Driving Into The Sun

Pure adrenaline; squealing around turns
A rise along the sediment; a bump, unseen
And we’re lifted off the ground
We’re lifted off the ground
We’re driving into the sun.

Pushing past the limits; Downshift to take it high
The glaring prism breaks the pain
That’s everywhere as we scream
We’re lifted off the ground
We’re driving into the sun.

Light ahead; lights behind
There’s no box to keep us level
No box to think within
We’re lifted off the ground
Lifted off the ground

Are you still with me?
I really can not tell
Not sure if I care or not
It’s all a blur as we ascend
We’re driving into the sun

Driving into the sun
Lifting off the ground
Nothing really matters much
Driving into the sun
We’re lifted off the ground
Off the ground
The ground

We’re driving into the sun.